QUOTES FROM THE "AVERAGE" MAN

A FEW FAVORITE QUOTES FROM THE SO-CALLED "AVERAGE" MAN (Updated April 7, 2006)


Some folks among us can remind us of some important things in what they say -- if we just listen. Some of the memorable comments that have been made in interviews or simply overheard recently:


--- "Life's too short. Enjoy it. ... I don't understand how people get depressed. You can find the good in any situation. (When there's a problem) get off your butt and do something about it. ... Life's too easy. People just try to screw it up." -- Name withheld by request (smart thinking from a fine and sharp 19-year-old Southern working man who also attends college and serves his country).


--- "The Garden of Eden had no condos." -- A Navy veteran, who is concerned about man's destruction of the environment and the selling of national park land to developers. He added something about how the "beautiful world of the creation of whatever God you believe in is being paved over with concrete."


--- "Foreigners are taking over the United States because they're willing to do the jobs that Americans think they're too good to do." -- Overheard at the Country Cafe.

--- "I mistakenly used a tube of hemorrhoidal ointment instead of Poligrip to hold in my false teeth, and now my gums have shrunk." -- Overheard at a favorite restaurant.

--- "Religious organizations are exempt from paying taxes, so they should stay out of politics. If they preach politics, they should pay taxes." -- Name withheld by request.

--- "Where do these illegal aliens get off waving the Mexican flag in the United States? If they want to be American citizens, they should be waving the American flag!" -- Name withheld by request.

--- "We aren't serving that right now. It's bug night." -- A new waitress at a chain restaurant in Florida in response to my request for a menu item and a query as to why part of the establishment was roped off. The manager quickly rushed over to explain that the place was closing early for routine monthly insect spraying. He then suggested to the blushing girl that there might be a better way of explaining the situation to any other customers (including bugs) who might come in.

--- "The argument that Americans won't do the jobs that illegal aliens will do is based on the simple fact that employers don't want to pay living wages, and they know that Mexican immigrants will work for practically nothing. The government is just offering excuses for giving American jobs to other countries and to avoid having to deal with the hassles of trying to handle border security." -- Quote from an email, author wants to remain anonymous.

--- "If my nose was running money, I'd blow it all on you. ... I wish my nose was running money, but my friend, it's not." -- Say that fast. Lines from a song heard in a recorded comedy routine played on an AM radio station in Georgia, artist unknown.

--- --- A woman had to have emergency surgery at the hospital. To her horror, she found herself moving through the darkness toward a bright light. Suddenly, she heard God say, "Go back. You have 40 more years." Recovering from the operation and excited and happy that she had so many years left, she went to a plastic surgeon and spent thousands on having a complete makeover. Pleased with her new look, she left the surgeon's facility, walked in front of a speeding tractor-trailer rig and was splattered all over the highway. Once she got inside the Pearly Gates, she confronted God and said angrily, "You told me I had 40 years left!" -- to which God answered, "Sorry, I didn't recognize you." -- Overheard at the Country Cafe.


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